Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
