I love having hate sex.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
