If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
