I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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