That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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