my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
