At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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