Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
