I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think my vagina is haunted
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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