Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
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Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
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It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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