Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
