mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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