I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
