Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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