i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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