Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
