billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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