I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
