I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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