I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What a dumb baby whore.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
