worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
