ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
if only i could text you this smell
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
