if i can run in heels then i can drive
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
