she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
