My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
As shirtless as possible
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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