I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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