A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
