u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize