Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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