Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
