my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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