we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We are all done wearing pants today
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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