I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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