fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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