He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
