$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
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I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
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He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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