I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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