It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
