ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
