you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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