those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
