areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
