you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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