My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
