I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
