then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
