Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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