i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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