he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
