Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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