do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
