My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize