I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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