I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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