you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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