So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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