Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
