Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
