No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
