My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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