Midget sex pt 2 tonight
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
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never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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